Friday, March 27, 2009

All Hail Our New Crocodile Masters

America, bow to your new master: the crocodile.

I'm sitting here, watching Animal Planet, which is showing documentaries about crocodiles. One such show is bemoaning the lack of crocodiles in Costa Rica or some such place, and how there is concern for their long-term survival. The solution: introduce them from America. Cut to a shot of some village children and a two-year old croc. As the kids tease and run, the narrator warns that "even at two years old, the croc may be more inclined to fight than to flee." The show closes after that with another lament for the future of this "noble predator."

Say it with me, people: Predator. PREDATOR.

This is what we've done in America. We've released predators into our habitat, to grow up and devour the children. These are no longer babies, but fully-grown, and running amok in Washington, in our economy. There are sharks and snakes and gators and every nasty sort of swamp-dwellers you can thing of. We feed them, but their insatiable appetites continue to grow.

WHY DO WE FEED THEM? We've been told, for so long, that these predators are part of the eco-system, that without them, the system would fall out of balance. So we continue to feed them, hoping that they don't bite the hand that feeds them. But they can never be domesticated.

Again, say it with me: PREDATOR.

The proper role of a hero is to hunt down a predator before they feed on the village children. Today, our heroes are in exile. Instead of Crocodile Dundee, our new Crocodile Hunters dangle out kids like bait. America, however, is guilty of much worse: the village children are not bait, but food, to be sacrificed to these predators. Where are the heroes today, and why do they allow this sacrifice? The Greeks sent Theseus into the labyrinth to slay the Minotaur to end the child sacrifices; today, modern cretins have Captain Hook. Hook would rather feed the Lost Boys to the crocodile, to stave off the truth: it's Hook that the crocodile really wants. The crocodile follows him around, with a tell-tale sign: a swallowed, ticking clock that tells Hook one thing: his time will soon be up. And so, the same is true for you, America. You can fear it, feed it, appease it all you want, but it will never be tamed. And unless you slay this predator, your time is up, too.